Father of Mine...Tell Me Where Have You Been?

Like Father Not Like Son: Seeing Bruce for First Time in 34 Years

Source: Me

Got a father who left you behind? Who gave you a name and walked away? Ever want to find him?  See if he recognized you? Give him a piece of your mind?

I did.  And it was amazing!  Here's the backstory...   

My biological father Bruce Couture abandoned my sister and me 34 years ago when he was 32 and my sister Wendy and I were 6 and 7 years old. For decades I was unable to even think about Bruce without becoming so emotional that coherent words and sentences escaped me. Flash forward to last month, when in the span of a mere 39 days, I shared my paternal abandonment issues on Facebook, received tremendous support and help locating him, and then hopped on a plane, showed up at his doorstep, and looked eye-to-eye with the man who never wanted to see me ever again.

Prior to last month I knew next to nothing about Bruce: not his middle name, birthday, place of birth, current whereabouts, or even what he looked like. That has all changed, due in no small part to Mark Zuckerberg! This quest to understand when, where, and why Bruce left could not have happened without Facebook. And so it's fitting to share the ups and downs and twists and turns of this roller coaster journey into my past with many of the recent Facebook posts that helped me navigate it. Here's hoping my story resonates with others whose parents left them and inspires some to find, confront, and say what they always wanted to say to the parent who long ago said goodbye and never looked back.

[Disclaimer: In the spirit of comic relief to lighten the mood of this emotionally tumultuous trip back in time, some of the below posts are wayyyyy too personal, edgy, and provocative. So if TMI, blue language, and ribald quips aint your bag, kindly hit the back button now, please.] 

It all started with this foreboding post in the early hours of a melancholy April night...  

Bruce, Wendy, and Me, Circa 1982ish

Source: Me

Trivers, R. L. (1974). Parent-offspring conflict. American Zoologist,14, 249–264.

Source: Me

Picture of Karen's Dog Shortly after I Arrived at her House; Courtesy of Half-

Sibling

Jeanette Couture.

Source: Me

Couture Reunion: Hadnt Seen Karen in 33 years and had Never Met Half-sibling J

Source: Me

 

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Disclaimer: The views expressed in this blog do not necessarily reflect the views of Psychology Today and the University of Scranton, or me, and certainly not the views of my friends, family, probation officer, gut bacteria, darkest thoughts, and personal mohel.

Copyright © 2016 Barry X. Kuhle. All rights reserved.

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