How to Talk to Others About Your RA

How to Talk to Others About Your RA

By Paige Fowler
WebMD Feature

Your relationships will get a boost when you open up to your friends and family about the ways rheumatoid arthritis affects you. A little straight talk helps folks understand just what you're going through.

"People are not going to know about rheumatoid arthritis like other more common conditions such as heart disease or breast cancer," says Elaine Husni, MD, director of the Arthritis & Musculoskeletal Treatment Center at the Cleveland Clinic. So people with RA, she says, may need to explain to others what it's all about.

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Describe Your Condition

Andrew Lumpe, 55, of Seattle was diagnosed with RA in 2009. He's found that educating friends, especially people he hasn't seen in a while, makes a big difference.

"I'll say that RA is an autoimmune disease and compare it to others like lupus, multiple sclerosis, or type 1 diabetes," he says. "Most people can relate to those and know how serious they are and get a better sense of what I'm going through. Otherwise, they think it's arthritis like their grandmother had, but RA is much different."  

Early on, many people with rheumatoid arthritis don't show many physical symptoms. "So people may see you and think you look fine, so you should be fine. I tell my patients it's OK to tell people that you need to slow down," Husni says.

For example, your joints may feel stiffer in the morning, and it can take some time to get out of bed and start your day. "Talk to your significant other about how you feel in the mornings and what he or she can do to help you," Husni says.

For instance, you may need to ask your partner to take care of the kids when the day begins. Or if friends want to do an activity, explain to them that mornings are hard for you and midday would be better.

Be Honest

Anna Marie Meyer, 55, who lives in Portland, OR, knows firsthand the importance of being straightforward. She was diagnosed with RA in 2011.

"I used to love hosting others in my home," she says. "I'd make a seven-course meal and use the china and crystal, but I can't do that anymore. Now I ask friends to bring dishes for a potluck. I use paper plates. And I delegate responsibilities, like having someone take out the trash or wash some dishes."

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