"Will You Marry Me?"

Source: Pixabay, CC0 Public Domain

It wasn't like in the movies, in which he, for example, walks his sweetie from the street along a path of Hershey's kisses into his bed, which is covered with rose petals, and he gets on his knees and tearfully whispers, "Will you marry me?"

No. They were watching the game on TV, on their third beer, or was it pot, and she, not he, looked at him and said, "You know, we should get married."

Ir took a lot to get him to turn away from the game, especially with only 32 seconds left, okay 32 basketball seconds, but he jerked his head from the TV to see how serious she was. Serious.

In the few seconds before he'd have to respond, here's what flashed through his mind:

Sh*t. I knew this was coming at some point, but now? I'm not ready. But if I'm not ready now, when will I be? She's the best woman I've ever dated. But is she good enough? We're already too comfortable. What will happen when we get married? And if we get divorced? The words I hear associated with divorcing are "years,""hell," "nightmare" and "taken to the cleaners"  Calm down, idiot. You're 29, Do you really want to keep baching it? That was getting old. Then again, the sex between us is already getting old and it's only been eight months. She's going to want kids. Do I want kids? I don't know. I really don't know. Is she going to, like lots of my friends' wives, after they marry, cut back her job to part-time or no time. Then it's all on me. And my job ain't that stable--certainly I can't bet on an upward trend. And that's what I'll need. We, especially she, will feel the need to buy a house, the furniture, and yeah, even the SUV. Stop, calm down. You do love her. At least you think you do. What is love? How much love is enough love? The sex is still good. You like being with her in and out of bed. You're proud of what she has accomplished. You're proud to introduce her to your friends and family. You like her family. It will feel good to be like most of your friends---They're moving along on the conveyer belt. Do you really want to stay single? That somehow seems immature. You're being too rational. You do love her and she loves you and, it must have taken her a lot of guts for her to do the asking. Maybe it's because she's high. No, you're rationalizing. Oh my God, it's been five seconds. How can I just sit there and not say anything That's cruel."

He said, "Absolutely. I'd love to marry you!"

The takeaway

If those were your thoughts, would you have married that person?

Do you want to marry your sweetie? If s/he asked you, what would you say? Do you want to ask? If not now, do you sense that's forever? Any sense of what would make it the right time? Do you need another partner?  What's the next baby step you want to take?

If you're unattached, for now at least, do you want to aim to find Mr/Ms Right?  If so, what would be the next baby step be?

Marty Nemko's bio is in Wikipedia. His new book, his 8th, is The Best of Marty Nemko.

from Psychology Today - Relationships http://ift.tt/1TTc2XB
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